


It is Called Love

by kanatayuko



Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 22:31:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9518810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanatayuko/pseuds/kanatayuko
Summary: This strange feeling, which I haven't remembered the name -- this strange feeling, which I haven't figured out yet,What do you call it?





	

_You always love to piss me off, but_  
  
_Even in the nights without you,_  
  
_Even in the way back to barracks,_  
  
_Even in the middle of quarrels,_  
  
_This strange feeling, which I haven't remembered the name,_  
  
_What do you call it?_

  
"Get the hell out of here."  
  
"You get the hell out of here."  
  
"I came here first, so you're the one who should get out of here."  
  
"Don't mess with me, why should I take orders from someone like you? You get out of here."

  
_You always irritate me to no end, yet_  
  
_Even from the smallest arguments,_  
  
_Even from the way you talk,_  
  
_Even from the same uniform you wear everyday,_  
  
_This strange feeling, which I haven't figured out yet,_  
  
_What do you call it?_

  
  
  
  
"Gin-san, let's go to that booth next!"  
  
"Gin-chan, I want to eat takoyaki next!"  
  
"Oi, wait! I never said I'll be paying for you guys!"  
  
"Shin-chan, Kagura-chan, don't get separated! Let's visit the booths together,"

  
_When I see your close, indispensable bonds with them, it feels like there's no empty space for me to get in._  
  
_Even though I can't stand this guy,_  
  
_This frustration, this helplessness... what do you call it?_

  


"Toshi, let's go eat together! Today is your precious day off after all, it has been a long time since we can relax and chat together!"  
  
"Kondou-san..."  
  
"Hijikata-san, I want to eat miso ramen, extra large."  
  
"Vice commander, I'd like some udon myself."  
  
"I never said I'd bring you guys too!"  
  
"Now, now, Toshi, the more, the merrier! It will be more fun to go with everyone!"  
  
"Tch, there's no other way, huh..."

  
_When I see you soften your brows and smile more around them, it feels like I will never be able to reach the same level as them._  
  
_Even though I can't stand this guy,_  
  
_This feeling of jealousy and irritation... what do you call it?_

  
  
  


_Everytime I see you,_

_Everything you do,_

_At first I had nothing but resentment._

_At first I didn't even bother to care._

_But, over the time..._

_But now, slowly..._

_I can't imagine my life without it._

_It has become a part of me._

_This feeling, this very feeling..._

_The thing I'm feeling right now..._

_It feels like I have felt it before._

_Back then, it was right in front of me._

_I had it within my grasp._

_But at the moment, it is just a feeble, faint memory._

_Yet now, it fleets and disappears within seconds._

  
_Even though I don't like this guy,_  
  
_This feeling I have now... what do you call it?_

  
  
  
  
"...tomorrow, I have to go."

  
_It was supposed to be the usual fight._  
  


"Huh?"

  
_It was supposed to be the usual squabble._  
  


"I've got a job to escort some sort of important person with connection to Bakufu... His higher ups seem to despise policemen and doesn't trust them, but they got a lot of enemies. They need someone who can ensure his safety but can be disposed when things go wrong, so I and some other people have been hired to protect him,"  
  
"...And you agree with that?"  
  
"They pay nicely in advance and promise a bonus if the trip goes without a hitch."  
  
"I know you're not the brightest person in the world but I've never thought you're this stupid. Can't you see? It's definitely--"  
  
"Yeah, I know. It's a set up, no matter how you see it. If I agree, things might go pretty nasty. I haven't even told Kagura and Shinpachi about this,"  
  
"Then why..."  
  
"If I could use this chance well, I might be able to uncover the bigger secret lurking behind all of this, while trying to avoid getting myself killed,"  
  
"Yorozuya..."

  
_Somehow I can feel some sort of worry behind that word._  
  


"...or, so I think. It might be not as simple as I thought, and I might never return here if I go. If that's the case, I might never be able to drink with you again like this."

  
_Somehow I can feel some sort of anguish in those words._  
  


"...what's with that hand?"  
  
"Hm? Nothing, just -- maybe, you will insist that I shouldn't go?"

  
_This hand that I desperately want you to take,_

_That hand that I desperately want to take,_

_Whichever it is,_

_Seems like I still can't find out the name._

_It clenches my chest tight,_

_And it makes me forget how to breathe._

  
_Even though I despise this guy,_  
  
_This feeling, what do you call it?_

  
"...don't be stupid. There's no way someone as persistent as you would kick the bucket so easily. I haven't even repaid you for what you did for me, so you'll finish that job and crawl back here even if you have to die."  
  
"Hijikata..."  
  
"It's a win-win situation for me since I don't have to see your face for a while and I get to put the bad guys into the slammer without even working. Why should I stop you?"  
  
"...I'll punch you once when I come back here, you asshole."  
  
"Bring it on."

  
  
  
  
_I know I'm getting closer to it._  
  


"Sougo, Yamazaki, investigate about this person, his superiors, and their connection to the joui rebels."

  
_I can feel it on top of my fingertips._  
  


"What!? How could the Shinsengumi find out about the plan!? Was there some sort of betrayer among the people we hire!?"

  
_This time, for sure..._  
  


"There has never been any betrayer."

  
_I will grab it and never let go._  
  


"Because I don't remember working for you bastards in the first place,"

  
_This feeling, this one thing I feel deep in my heart,_  
  


"You're that silver haired guy! A-and the Shinsengumi vice commander!? Just who the hell are you!? What's your connection to the Shinsengumi!?"

  
_This feeling, this one feeling I always try to forget but can't,_  
  


"Connection? I have nothing of the sort."

  
_This feeling, this one feeling I tried to bury deep down and never remember again,_  
  


"It's simply a rotten bond."

  
_Even though I hate this guy with all my might,_  
  
_What do you call it?_

  
  
  
  
"...that was a quite spectacular show you put the other day,"  
  
"...was it? I think you too enjoyed it a bit too much, Demon Vice Commander-san."

  
_I was frantically looking for it,_  
  


"Is it finally over...?"

  
_While it had never gone anywhere._  
  


"...yeah, it is over."

  
_I denied it vehemently,_  
  


"I'm going back to the barracks. Don't do anything stupid again."

  
_Yet embraced it wholeheartedly._  
  


"...wait, Hijikata."

  
_This feeling, this strange feeling,_  
  


"Huh?"

  
_Finally, I can put a name on it._  
  


"Don't go."

  
_How could I forget?_  
  


"Yorozuya, what do you think you are doing!? Let me g--"

  
  


  
_It is called "love"._  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I never intended this fic to be published since the idea was pretty abstract, but I guess it's alright. For some reasons I never finish fics I intentionally think and write, but always finish the "sorta happened" fics. Maybe I just have to try harder.
> 
> Anyway - in case anyone is still wondering about what's going on in the fic, the italic parts represent Gintoki and Hijikata's inner thought, with the parts aligned to left belongs to Hijikata while the parts aligned to right belongs to Gintoki. Likewise, the center aligned parts represent what they both think. I wanted to be as subtle and vague as possible, so I didn't write anything to indicate who was talking what. This fic was supposed to show the parallels and similarity between Gintoki and Hijikata, with the early parts show their parallels and as time goes by, they start to be more and more alike in their way of thinking (to the point they start to think the exact same thing near the end). Their similarity is one of the most fascinating thing for me in their canon interaction, so I'd be very happy if I could properly put it into words. The formatting kills me and probably looks better in desktop, though I write, post, and break the HTML from mobile phone.
> 
> Also, English isn't my first language so expect the abundance of grammatical error and weird phrasing.
> 
> Lastly, I hope you enjoyed the fic!


End file.
